


On Him

by ralf



Series: Close to Canon [32]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: (in the sense that i found the show very lacking in respect to, Difficult Decisions, Episode: s02e17 A Dark Reflection, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Missing Scene, Stream of Consciousness, alec's pondering that lead to his decision lol), ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:40:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25916728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ralf/pseuds/ralf
Summary: These are the facts: The Soul Sword has been missing for sixteen days. Valentine has been missing for almost three.[Set during 2x17. Alec and the thought process that leads to him not telling Magnus about the Soul Sword.]
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: Close to Canon [32]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/936036
Comments: 8
Kudos: 32





	On Him

**Author's Note:**

> Because I firmly believe that Alec made that decision, and for good reasons, as opposed to him not having enough time to make a decision.
> 
> **A short memory refresher** on what happened when, pieced together by rewatching and referencing [this amazing timeline](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14023032/chapters/32295291) which I'll never tire of recommending ;D It's seriously priceless.
> 
> October 11th at 2 a.m. the transfer fails and Valentine escapes.  
> October 12th in the late afternoon / evening Robert tells Alec that the Clave doesn't have the Soul Sword.  
> October 13th in the morning Alec tells Jace and Clary about the Soul Sword, and the possibility that Valentine might want to use it to raise the Angel. In the evening of the same day Magnus swings by for the fateful lobster dinner, and a few hours later he learns about the Soul Sword from Luke and confronts Alec about it. (This oneshot takes place in the evening of the 13th before and into the dinner.)
> 
> It is also noteworthy that from the moment Valentine escapes (at the end of 2x15) almost up to Malec's dinner (at the beginning of 2x17) Valentine has been locked up in Jonathan's root cellar, since Jonathan intended to send him and the Soul Sword to Edom (and oh boy how did I _forget_ this _entire_ plot line it takes _a whole episode wtf--_ )
> 
> Please enjoy!

These are the facts: The Soul Sword has been missing for sixteen days. Valentine has been missing for almost three. They don't know if Valentine has the Sword.

Valentine had help with his escape. The details are unclear as of yet – Duncan is nowhere to be found and so is his entire family, might be that they all joined Valentine's side, might be that they were used as leverage against him and are all dead by now – but that doesn't matter. What matters is that Valentine isn't alone out there and whoever plotted his escape might very well have been in possession of the Soul Sword all along.

Alec is disinclined to believe it. It doesn't match Valentine dropping off the face of the earth for the past few days. While lying low might be the sensible thing to do when every available Shadwhunter is out there searching for him Valentine has never exactly adhered to common sense, nor has he ever been particularly subtle. He's always been driven by aggression, leaving a clear trail of destruction for them to track his activities. If he had the Soul Sword the last thing he would do would be going into hiding. He'd press his adventage as quickly and viciously as he could.

Still, banking on Valentine not having the Sword is nothing he can do just because it's more convenient to him. As a general rule Alec has found it advisable to always assume the worst and go from there. That leaves room for happy chances to arise and hopefully erases the risk of being caught by nasty surprises.

Leaving speculation aside, another thing they do know is this: Clary managed to deactivate the Soul Sword before it went missing. Even if Valentine gets his hands on it he won't be able to use it the way he did before, but that's about the only silver lining in this mess. Like he told Jace and Clary this morning Valentine might be after something else this time. With both the Cup and the Sword he's only one Mortal Instrument away from summoning Raziel and making a wish.

It's not certain that Valentine will switch tactics and it's not necessarily the most natural course of action for him to pick but it's not completely unreasonable either. They know now that Jace and Clary can activate the Soul Sword and won't fall for the same trick again. Both Clary and Jace would rather die than let Valentine use them for his genocide and Valentine must know that. So if he wants to reactivate the Sword he'll have to come by their blood via an attack and that neither he nor his helper attempted that yet indicates they've discarded this plan. It makes sense. Even if Valentine succeeded in activating the Sword Clary created a rune to seal its powers again. Continuing a plan that has failed once and only lost its element of surprise in the process isn't Valentine's style. He'll try something new. Therefore it's entirely possible that Valentine is playing the long game now, searching for the Mirror to raise the Angel because no one could hope to stop Raziel himself.

This threat to the Downworld is unprecedented. He needs to make it public. Every Downworlder has a right to know this. _Magnus_ has a right to know this. Alec has to tell him. He has to tell them all.

However, before acting rashly he needs to consider every aspect of the matter.

The odds aren't stacked in Valentine's favor. The Mortal Mirror's location has been unknown since the first days of the Shadowhunters. There are almost no records about it. Valentine finding it on short notice is unlikely, especially since the last time he had both the Cup and the Sword he opted for activating the Sword to destroy the Downworld. Using Raziel's wish would have been the more effective method and the fact that Valentine didn't try that means he didn't know where to find the Mortal Mirror and didn't believe he could retrieve it shortly.

That was barely two weeks ago and since then Valentine has been in custody, so he hasn't exactly had much opportunity to gather new information on the Mortal Mirror's whereabouts. All of this means that chances of Valentine being in a position to raise the Angel imminently are low. This could buy them enough time to catch Valentine again, or get back the Sword, or the Cup. Just one out of these three would be enough to prevent a catastrophe.

There's no guarantee that they will succeed in time, though. It's just a wager, a bet. Alec bristles. Gambling with lives like that is _wrong_. The mere thought turns his stomach.

And yet this might be his best option going forward because the consequences of telling the Downworld will be visceral, and they will be immediate. Even just admitting that the Clave lied about having the Soul Sword would be bad enough, and that's not even mentioning his theory regarding Valentine's new plan. At best the Downworld will lose the remaining grain of willingness to cooperate with the Clave when it comes to stopping Valentine. They never trusted the Clave to begin with but this confession will shatter every last bit of submission the Clave managed to exact in the past. There will be widespread panic, rebellion. At worst the Downworld will declare all-out war on the Nephilim.

Considering the scope of this secret Alec couldn't even blame them. But that doesn't change the fact that by waging war against each other they'll inevitably lose sight of the one thing that actually matters, which is stopping Valentine. Each side will have less resources focused on hunting Valentine and the longer he roams free the more people he will kill.

And that's not even considering all the (civilian) casualties a war will claim.

Another thing he can't disregard is how the Clave will react. Much as he hates it it's not difficult to imagine the Clave leaping at the chance to concentrate on battling Downworlders and putting the search for Valentine second since he's no immediate threat for Shadowhunter lives. The truth is that few Shadowhunters in positions of power really, truly _disagree_ with Valentine. They might be less violent about it but it is undeniable that the entire Clave is made of spineless opportunists who view Downworlders as inferior, as worth less than Shadowhunters, as unimportant, expendable. Some of them might even regard Valentine's slaughter of Downworlders favorably. With the distraction of a war Alec can't count on the Clave's backing when it comes to stopping Valentine.

All of which means that telling the entire Downworld will do a lot more harm than good.

It's not an all-or-nothing-matter though. Alec could tell the truth to a selected few, namely the leaders of the Downworld factions, provided they keep it to themselves to avoid aforementioned scenario.

He wonders if he should consult his siblings to discuss it with them, get their view on things, but he already knows what they'll say. Jace will advise him to keep the secret from all of them because he's too much a soldier, while Izzy will demand that he tell everyone because she's much too idealistic, and neither of them would think the consequences of their choice through to the end. As much as he values their opinions, their input won't be helpful. This decision is on him.

The Seelies are out. They've been itching for a real fight for a while now and this would be the perfect opportunity. Nevermind that Alec would be more than a little surprised if the Seelie Queen didn't know about the Soul Sword already anyway. Rarely if ever has anyone ever managed to keep a secret from her, not the Downworld and not the Clave. She's most likely just waiting for the right moment to use that tidbit of information to her adventage. Another reason why their time is running out. They need to get the Sword back and catch Valentine before she can weaponize the Clave's hypocrisy and lead them into a war. The Downworld learning the truth from a different source than the Clave itself might actually be _even worse_ than if they come clean right now. Alec really doesn't want to know what 'worse than war' looks like.

The vampires are the most likely to ally with the Seelies in Alec's estimation. It's probable that this betrayal by the Clave will be the last straw to sway them to the Seelies' side for good. Then again, if Alec could prove that the Seelies knew all along about the Soul Sword but withheld that knowledge from their future allies just to gain an advantage that might work in the Shadowhunters' favor.. but then, neither does he know for sure if the Seelies know, nor would he have the faintest idea how to prove it. And with Valentine on the lose it's really not the right time to be getting caught up in political intrigue, which isn't Alec's forte to begin with. And as strategically rewarding as it might be to sow discord between the Downworlders to keep them under control it's so far from their original calling. Shadowhunters are supposed to _protect_ , not to rule at all costs. This is what the Clave has forgotten and Alec won't make the same mistake.

Luke is the likeliest candidate to be told. With his own past as a Shadowhunter and his connection to Clary there's no doubt who he'll side with. He became the alpha of his pack, almost died to protect her. While it's true that Luke doesn't have the best track record of keeping his pack in line Alec believes that Luke can easily keep this secret from them. Luke has been living off the grid for two decades, he knows how to keep sensitive information to himself.

Which leaves only one Downworlder faction to be considered. The Warlocks. Alec lets out a long breath, closing his eyes.

He wants to tell Magnus. That's an understatement. Every waking moment since Robert told him has been an exercise in self-control not to throw reason out the window and tell Magnus regardless of the consequences. He needs Magnus safe, and how can Magnus be safe when he's unaware of the threat looming?

But this is not about what Alec wants. He's not so arrogant, so selfish to think there's room for personal feelings in this decision.

Back to the facts.

If he tells Luke he has to tell Magnus as well. Everything else is unthinkable. It's either both of them or neither, not least because he trusts Magnus more than he does Luke.

And while he believes them both capable to keep the other Warlocks and Werewolves from finding out...

Alec takes another steadying breath. He _knows_ Magnus. If even one Warlock dies by Valentine's hands Magnus will blame himself because he couldn't protect them. He'll blame himself tenfold if he withheld information from his people, information that might have influenced their decisions, might have made them leave New York or be more cautious or not get involved or... Magnus will be beyond devastated.

Alec is no stranger to guilt. He doesn't wish the feeling on anyone, least of all Magnus.

And that means that if he tells Magnus he can't, won't, _can't_ ask him to keep it from his people. He is not that cruel.

And while there are far fewer Warlocks in New York than there are Vampires or Werewolves, and they are less centrally organized than the other factions they are enough individuals that if they know it's only a matter of time – of _very little_ time – until everyone knows. Which leads him back to the original scenario of chaos and destruction.

The conclusion to draw from this is indisputable: He can't tell Magnus.

Alec knows that the fewer people know the better. Right now, wherever he is, Valentine feels safe biding his time and this works in their favor. If Valentine starts to suspect that the Downworld could realize his plan and thwart him then it's possible he'll throw caution and preparation to the wind and act quickly. He might even abandon his search for the Mortal Mirror and return to his original plan of using only the Soul Sword, drawbacks be damned.

Discretion is of the essence. It could save countless lives.

Knowing that this is in Magnus's best interest is no comfort. Keeping this from him is making Alec sick.

He buries his head in his hands. He's been cycling through these thoughts for the past twenty-four hours. The truth is that he knows what choice he needs to make, he just hasn't accepted it yet. He's desperately, foolishly hoping that if he thinks it through one more time he'll see a way out that includes telling Magnus while evading all the horrible consequences that that will have. But there is none.

His pad beeps. Alec scrubs his face roughly before he checks the notification. Another report from one of the teams searching New York. No trace of Valentine.

Alec sighs, frustrated and worried and _tired_ , and adds the report's information in the map he's been keeping to coordinate the search operation.

“Lost track of time?”

Alec doesn't startle at Magnus's voice so unexpectedly dragging him from his thoughts but it's a near thing. His heart missteps, missing a beat and it's not for the usual reasons. He can't meet Magnus's eyes for long.

“I missed dinner, didn't I?” He says it as he realizes it. It's already dark outside. He really did lose track of time, caught in his endless, fruitless contemplations.

“Only by a few hours.” Magnus chuckles. He doesn't look angry. In fact, he looks light, despite everything. Or maybe that's just Alec's imagination because he has yet to face a worry that wasn't soothed by Magnus's presence, even if Magnus is the very reason he's worried. A new wave of guilt hits. He gets up to greet Magnus properly.

“I'm so sorry, really.” He isn't even sure what he's apologizing for. Missing dinner or not telling Magnus about the Soul Sword? Can he even apologize for something like that? Should he even apologize for something when he's sure that it's the best choice, no matter how awful it is?

He kisses Magnus, and for a short blissful moment his thoughts fall quiet. He can breathe again.

But the moment ends, and he's back in his office with the man he loves and will lie to by omission.

“I just...” He stumbles over his words. “It's been so crazy here.”

“I understand,” Magnus assures him. His eyes are so warm. Alec hopes, against reason, that he'll still say that when he inevitably learns what Alec has been keeping from him.

He doesn't know how Magnus will react. He'll be angry, hurt, betrayed. He might listen long enough to understand Alec's reasons. He might not. He might not forgive him. Alec's swallows thickly, throat going tight.

For a heartbeat he wonders what would happen if he just... told Magnus. Opened his mouth and said, “The Clave doesn't have the Soul Sword. It's all a lie.” He wants to. So much.

But he can't, and he won't.

This is no decision he can afford to make with his heart because this is not a personal matter. There are too many lives at stake to let emotions, especially personal ones, rule him. He has to act in his capacity as a leader, not a lover, and rationally there's no question what needs to be done.

And that's all there is to it. The decision is made.

He will bear the consequences, whatever they may be.


End file.
